Stillwater

Christmas is coming!!!

2006-11-30T18:41:00.000-08:00

i lurvvveeee CHRISTMAS!

its such a happy and jovial season. anton thinks i am nuts :) but Christmas yearly always cheers me up, buying gifts for my cousins, and my family...

my birthday is coming too! but this year, today is already Dec 1st, and i dun seem like i am that excited with my birthday this year, cos something bigger is happening for me that i can't tell anyone till Next week!

so wait for my good and exciting news next week and Merry Christmas everyone!

disturbing few days

2006-08-31T03:33:00.000-07:00

been feeling not at ease lately, wierd... like something's not right.. since monday its been like this.

no mood at work, quite cranky in fact. is it cos i am going thru a phase that i dun exactly know what will happen in my life? i dunno what comes tomorrow.. i can't control how i would like my like to turn out to be, or when my mense will come even.

cos of all the things i go thru lately, i dun feel like i am myself. the real me. maybe that's why i feel 'lost'. i dunno what i will feel today, or tomorrow or even the next 5 mins.

once thing i know, is lately been feeling insecure. but i haven't said anything to hunnie, cos like not fair to him, jus cos i feel insecure i bug him about it..

i so so so hope that i could get over this 'phase' of life that i have been going thru lately, so that i could have 'myself' by to myself. if anyone even knows what i am talking about.

that way, i can control myself again.. to think, feel, eat and do what i really want again..

Miss my best fren

2006-07-19T23:27:00.000-07:00

I wish sometimes I could really talk to him. talking to maihlaing or stef, whom the two are my best frens, are not the same. I wish I could talk to him like my best fren. With no judgement and full listening ears, and at times a shoulder to cry on. When we were jus best frens in US, he was like that to me. I could tell him anything, no judgement, nothing. Jus a shoulder to cry on, and a listening ear.

i think its my fault for always being so happy go lucky and jovial, that when i am down, no one knows or ppl think so lightly of it.

there are faces of life that one must follow, i think i wrote that in one of my blog entries as well (http://stillwater13.blogspot.com/2005/02/faces-of-life.html) . i am not jus a wife, but i am an individual as well and have many other 'faces' to lead my life.

even tho i try so hard to be the best wife, as in a balance of a 'totally listen to husband and follow behind husband' type, and also an independant, 0% maintenance type of wife, i really feel i make a good balance already, why am i always feeling that each time you fight with me, its like i am never good enuf. i am such a failure.

I really wish i could have that best fren in the US back...

Lonely

2006-07-10T01:22:00.000-07:00

Now i know why wives get lonelier and more depress as years go by... timing is never right to say anything, do anything. its jus instructions to do something, or orders, orders after orders. no real talk. its always a right time for husbands to talk, but never a right time for wives to say anything. when husbands get depressed or down, they vent on wives. when wives are down or depressed, they can't say anything or show it cos husbands will get pissed off that they are feeling like that... and people wonder why in this world there are more depressed females than males...

sick of this

2006-07-10T01:20:00.000-07:00

EVEN A PUNCHING BAG WEARS OUT! Is there a sign on my face that says " DUN TALK TO ME PROPERLY! SNAP AT ME 24/7! " other ppl get your best attention, get your best moods, get your best self! ME? i get snapped at, pissed off at, i jus get the worst of you!

the MOO is back!!!

2006-04-30T21:08:00.000-07:00

jus realised since my hunnie is back on the blog and being his usual analytical (is that how you spell it?) him, tot i'd drop back into blog world as well!

actually i always have lots to spill, but most of wat that has been in my life lately is either sensitive or kept under wraps that i can't really reveal my true thots into it.

then how? oh well, i will still write as much as i can without getting in trouble then! :)

housework day :(

2005-04-15T20:21:00.000-07:00

Its time to clean house :( actually i dun mind cleaning the house, i kinda like it, but i really hate to iron clothes! i wish i could jus pay someone to jus iron my clothes :) hehehehe... cannot lah.. if not wait my husband say i am a lousy wife :)
anyways time to clean the house and sneeze all day ...

up up and away...

2005-04-06T19:27:00.000-07:00

this week at work has been hell. With loads of politics to handle. one major staff wrecked havoc, and we had to fire him, and things started to arise, as we realised that there were many other situations that he created. My sales manager left as well, thinking there was lack of empowerment for her. which is also due to that major staff feeding her crap like that. *sigh* but everytime i have a major staff, or manager leave, i can't help but feel, is it me? did i cause it? but then again, so what if i did? advice from the experienced, tells me you can't afford to care about all these little things in biz. you must be able to let go. if i have to care about all these little things, then who will care the bigger shits? if i have to feel like this everytime my staff leaves, then in a few years, i may have to be warded into a phsychiatric ward. but somehow, i still feel. maybe i am not cut out for the cruel harsh world of business.
i wish i could just fly away. lift myself up up and away.. to anywhere, and everywhere. i wanna feel light hearted again, no worries, no stresses, just pure spirited away feeling...
but now i have a huge responsibility of a business to run, i can't jus pick up and go.. all i can do is dream about it...

tired and disturbed

2005-04-02T07:51:00.000-08:00

sorry i haven't been writing lately... been too much work, trips, things that happen that i havent been able to have time to pen my tots, or even think about things.
many things have been happening lately that kept me busy. but not in the mood to write much either. jus feeling a little down today, and actually last few weeks as well. i jus feel like i have no control of things that happen around me, and sometimes i try to be the best person i can be, and most accomodating to those near me, but sometimes i wonder, as a person, am i suppose to be like that? all accomodating, to be a good person? if it is, then why is it at times i dun feel good at all? in fact, i feel like i do so much sometimes to those i love, but i get misunderstood more. and then it makes me feel like, fuck, jus dun care lah, be a little selfish, and do what i wanna do, and think what i wanna think, and dun let anyone tell you or make you feel otherwise.
if they dun like it, let them be, but at the end of the day, you know in your conscience wat you are doing or feeling is true to yourself.
am i suppose to think like that? each time i tell myself to think more for me, for myself. but i can't. i give in too much, to ppl i love. i am too soft to ppl i love. and i get bitten in return sometimes, so whats the point of giving in?
... sigh ...

my phone review

2005-03-10T20:22:00.000-08:00

hehehehe :) ok ok! i finally write about my phone, and wat i think of it. color and screen resolution is perfect! tried taking a couple of pictures already and its really great! i like the little mirror behind :P anton complains i am not 'gu niang' enuf, no mirror and nail cutter in my bag when i go out.. but now i have got a little mirror!
phone call quality is ok, its small, but must understand my last phone is a nokia 3650, so i have to adjust a bit lah to this one's size. pictures can be edit and put into frames and all! and there is photo caller ID.
overall, this fone very fun lah. one thing i like most is, that i can set a different ringtone per person, not per group like nokia.
ok ok, go buy this phone! i totally recommend it! :)

i got a new phone :)

2005-03-04T02:53:00.000-08:00

I got a new phone :) i am officially a Nokia-convert today. i changed to the Samsung D500, which i have been waiting more than 1 month for it to be out in Singapore!
Finally, i got it, but i can't tell much yet, as i haven't gotten around to playing it. all i know is that the tones, camera, video cam all much better than the Nokias. even the screen is 262,000 colours!
gonna play my phone now.. hehehehe :)

my new phone!

should i or should i not???

2005-03-02T08:36:00.000-08:00

SCREEN wat i write on this blog? should i or should i not?
i know at certain topics i should, but then if i do, i am not really letting out my true feelings ain't i?
there are things i do wanna scream out about, but worry of the conequences.
*sigh* yes, i am a coward at stuff like that. i am an easy going person, easily adaptable too. but why can't everyone be like that? so bottomline is, should i jus speak my heart out and accept the consequences or should i jus keep certain tots to myself?
that is the question.

disturbed

2005-02-23T22:57:00.000-08:00

this has not been a good week, :( wats wrong? i dunno exactly, i have been feeling disturbed, but can't pinpoint what it is. maybe its a couple of things rolled into one as there are things that happened this few weeks that made me upset and worried.
wats wrong?
to people out there that know me, am i naive? ignorant? maybe i am. i have good frens tell me my problem is that i think too much for others. is that really true? sometimes i think so also. i always think for other people more than myself. but i have always tot of that as a good trait. is it really a good trait then?
i know i am blabbering, but *sigh* i am too down and disturbed to put happy tots into my head, and yet i dunno whats making me unhappy.
i wish i have lots of money and be able to do what i want with it, and go anywhere i want when i want! no rules but only my rules!

2005-02-22T19:34:00.000-08:00

love you lots mai hlaing!

updates from afar

2005-02-22T19:23:00.000-08:00

i was jus reading an email update from a dearest cousin in melbourne this morning and it really cheered me up lots. :)
she is really dear to me, and i am so happy to have found a confidante in her, not only is she my best fren but we are related in blood as well! we found a fren in each other and yet realise we are very alike! blame it on genetics i guess (right mai hlaing?)
i really want to lived out of singapore one day. be it in melbourne, or the states, i want out. maybe its my character that i can't suit asian life? not that i hate to be an asian,no. pls dun get me wrong, but i have always been independant, and somehow i feel more at ease with their lifestyle.
and i really wish i can live out of singapore, soon. real soon.

faces of life

2005-02-16T00:05:00.000-08:00

one might say a person's life is like acting, portraying many different faces to face different types of people and situations. i think everyone has many different masks to put on, but the face should always be the same one. even the heart.
i wish i had more of me sometimes, so that i have have one of me for each of my loved ones. i can give one me to my husband, one me to mommie, one me to daddie, one me to kleon, and they can mould me to what they want in me and wat i am to them. i love all of them jus the same, but sometimes i feel so torn, as i can't give them enuf of me. i have work, marriage, life, frens, family. i am so torn sometimes, more times over weekends. i rather not have time for myself, but for my family and my husband.
but i have to take in the reality, i am what i am, and i have only so much of myself to give. if it is not enuf, it is here that i am deeply regretful for, and i am sorry its not enuf.

back to basics

2005-02-04T18:15:00.000-08:00

daddie and i were reminiscing the past and wishing how we could jus go back to basics. tight as a family and close to the heart. we are still close knitted, jus not physically anymore.. sometimes i think if daddie and i are jus sentimentalist and living a dream by thinking like that. or are we being realistic? i think that its no harm to make your dreams come true.
becos of work, teenage frens, marriage, an outside life aside from home, sets us all apart, and into our own worlds and we grow to become individualistic. but one would say, thats jus part of growing up. yes, thats true. we all live a life with many faces to portray, and many characters to be. but no one should ever forget, or neglect family.
those were the days when we did not need a 'teambuilding' event or a sunday lunch to be united and meet. we were jus 'one'. now, its harder to plan a lunch or even when everyone can be together, than to plan a department head meeting!
i am now trying to organize a family 'booster' trip, to regain the bonding we once held so close. i know its a big goal, to even lay down ground rules of staying tight even when we are on a trip, and not jus slip into wanting to do or go their own way in a foreign place. but as a big sis, i jus have to take on this role and do it. my brothers may hate me for laying these ground rules, but i only want to accomplish one thing. stick together in heart and mind, not only during the trip but even after the trip and for the rest of our lives.
things i miss most about the 'past'
- the breakfasts daddie used to do for us, with little cups and plates in newton
- the 'daddie-made' bath tub kevin and i had in newton
- the way kleon 'clung' on to me when he was little
- the fights kevin and i had in havelock
- the times that was so hot at home, mom and dad would check us in at a hotel (a dream home) for the nite
- the trips we had to kuantan, where mom would go to the smelly fish market with dad to get bbq items
- the time we got stuck at the island
- the time kleon ran out in the snow to get mail for me in stillwater
- the times we would look forward to sundays to go to mitsukoshi and play water slides
- the times mom would make chicken chop for lunch after school and have it at the bar counter

i really miss the times and how everything we did was a good memory...

family

2005-02-04T18:13:00.000-08:00

daddie and me

mommie and me

kevin and me @ holland close

kleon and me on the way to marina house

something to think about

2005-02-02T19:30:00.000-08:00

Begin Today

Dream not too much of what you'll do tomorrow,
How well you'll work perhaps another year;
Tomorrow's chance you do not need to borrow--
Today is here.

Boast not too much of mountains you will master,
The while you linger in the vale below,
To dream is well, but plodding brings us faster
To where we go.

Talk not too much about some new endeavor
You mean to make a little later on.
Who idles now will idle on forever
Till life is gone.

Swear not some day to break some habit's fetter,
When this old year is dead and passed away;
If you have need of living, wiser, better
Begin today!

Source: Anonymous

A nite @ Ritz... with counselling

2005-01-29T22:56:00.000-08:00

Spent my Saturday nite at Ritz Carlton for a girls nite out... Had a great time, haven't done a girls out in a long time. Ritz was nice, lovely bathroom, with the tub by the window overlooking marina bay. wow...
spent time with a childhood fren and a troubled fren. Counselled her half the nite, but with advices i hope she will heed. no matter you are with, or wat you are busy with in life, you must always have a part of yourself to yourself. Soul search once in a while, and find yourself.
i always take time out to find myself, and try to be myself. Have a life. go take walks alone, watch movies alone, window shop alone, and dream...
to that fren out there (not saying the name) start fresh girl, you need a life, soul search, and find back that person deep down in you. not the one that is filled with stresses, and people to care for and characters you have to portray in daily life. Just find that YOU.

View when i had my soak in the tub of Ritz Carlton

The One

2005-01-24T23:43:00.000-08:00

how do you ever know if you have found the one? people always ask "how do you know if he is the one?"

i know, and i jus know. its hard to explain but its the things you go thru together. the little things in life, the way he sleeps, the way he showers, the way we fight, the way we think alike or differ, the squabbles we have, the smiles we share.

Anton is the one for me. my 'sky vegetable'. uh.. only he knows what that means. anyways, the day he came to my life was already 10 years and 1 month ago. thru this time, i have seen him in his many 'faces' of life, we went thru life together for the last 10 years. as a fren in the first 2 years, he was there for me when i needed a shoulder to cry on. the next 4 years, we were basically together to fight till we know each other better. and we fought, trust me, we really fought. and we went thru phases or fightng everyday, to phases of pissing each other off, and phases of teaching/showing our frens how we can stick together. and since then, its been 5 1/2 years since we have been married. first year was tough, and very testing. but after that, i am happy to say we are happily married.

but we go thru so much, to be able to get here. many people jus think i am lucky to have him, or he is lucky to have me. i dun think its luck. in life, you need to work for things that you want. we worked for our lives to be like this. we had our ups and downs, our joys and pains to get here. to be this loving.

all you need is trust and communication. we trust each other wholeheartedly, and we tell each other everything. i love anton so much, and he knows it. he loves me so much and i know it. we talk about things all the time, and with that comes understanding.

we have something together as a couple, some would call it an 'x' factor. we have something, that is special and no one can compare.

i know to some of you who are reading this, i am jus blabbering on, but i am jus proud to have a husband like anton. I love you anton, and if i had to do it all over again, i will find you, and love you all over again... in the many lifetimes that God will give me, i wish to have you as my husband always.

2005-01-23T03:19:00.000-08:00

Our loving haven

home sweet home

2005-01-23T03:11:00.000-08:00

clean house today, and i mean thoroughly.. spring clean of the year i guess... even tho in batam, i get housekeeping clean up my room, and room service to cook for me my meals, somehow i still love coming home on the weekends and cleaning my own house, and cooking soups, and stuff.
my home, with a garden my husband does a good job of, a study that is a constant organized mess. My bedroom with my jigsaw puzzles, cable tv, and best of all, my most comfortable bed.. :)
i love my home, a haven that anton and i made for ourselves. jus for us, a cozy loving haven...

life and living it

2005-01-18T18:26:00.000-08:00

Life is precious, and full of ups and downs... Lately tots about life have been in my silly head. Its so precious, in a tsunami night, thousands of people gone, jus like that. i could have been like them, jus hanging out in a cheap resort somewhere soaking up the sun and taking a break from their routine life, and WHAM! thats it, no more life. last night, i also watched the movie 'The Pianist" about Jews and how the Nazi's hate them, the way they treated human, it made me sick. why do we need all this discrimination and hating of each other? i grew up and lived in a racial harmonious city, and all's well. Till you grow up, and live out of that shell, and you realise that the world is actually full of unsightly things... the last two years, i think alot more about life, and living it. Chinese are famous for slogging at work and saving every last penny till they die. I dun want to be like that. i wanna work hard, save reasonable amount of money, and yet, be able to take 3 short breaks and 1 long break a year, to live a life and see the world. and most importantly, BE HAPPY. ok thats it, thats my motto and goal for this year, BE HAPPY and live my life.

dreaming of holidayzzzz

2005-01-14T20:50:00.000-08:00

had such a good holiday, now back at work, all i can think of is a holiday! (ps. anton if you read this, fire me! :))
- i wanna go australia stay a month with Mai Hlaing
- i wanna bring mommie to bangkok jus spa and shop
- i wanna go with daddie to Myanmar and find our roots
- i wanna go with my hunnie to the states and relive some great memories
- i wanna go ANYWHERE BUT BE IN BATAM!!!
i know i know i am going mad, so due to physchological problems in me, the company HAVE to retrench me, pls do!

hehehehe :)

Back from Europe

2005-01-05T08:46:00.000-08:00

Jus to remind myself that i am back :( i had such a great and wonderful time, i dun wanna come back! now with all the loads of laundry and house chores and errands before i go back to work on monday... will write more all about my trip soon :)

fly.. fly..fly..

2004-12-22T18:27:00.000-08:00

i am flying off to my dream vacation... switzerland and italy HERE I COME!!!
i am excited yet, there's so many things to do here, settle bills, buy things and prepare for trip. make sure parents are all ok, clean house...
but now, all's done, packing last minutes stuff and i'm off..
funny how up till this age, i still love to fly, the longer the trip the more fun it is. i tot those feelings were only for kids. but i love planes, i love to travel. so the flight is also part of the vacation for me. hehehehe :)
i get to watch movies, cuddle up next to hunnie...
so byes everyone! Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! :)

Work can't get enuf of me :(

2004-12-21T08:07:00.000-08:00

Work really can't get enuf of me. since i started my leave officially on Monday, i got called about some minor things that they could handle themselves, and today, a trusted staff resigned, a simple email to say when her last day will be. thats it. no further explanation.
Why must they always do this to me? why can't i have a live out of work? why can't they understand that i am human too? its always jus been work and work, and when i get back on weekends, its errands and chores for work.
so far, i am only work 'close' to two staff, as in the ones i kinda rely on, one have left a few months ago, and now the one left wants to leave.
WHY??? what is so wrong about working for me? am i that bad a boss?
I am so sick of all this...

cold weather

2004-12-20T17:41:00.000-08:00

in 3 days, heading off to a place i have always dreamed of going with a loved one. Yeah! we are off to Rome, venice, switzerland, milan, TUSCANY! :) i am jus so excited.
its been my dream to visit Italian cities with a loved one. we couldn't do that for a honeymoon, but we can now! so that counts for a 2nd honeymoon!
Rome, Tuscany, Venice are so beatiful in my tots, now i get to see them real. aside from the Euro$$$ exchange thats dampening my mood, i really can't wait to be there. but i have always had doubts on tours, i do hope this one is ok, and give us time to take in the scenary...
i'll tell you more when i get back :)

over populated

2004-12-19T01:53:00.000-08:00

Singapore, a land nice, great to see, tough to live in. There's just too many people around!!! i hate it, i really do, since young i have told myself that when i grow up, i will be out of Singapore living my life in a place less populated, with more freedom.
today i wanna go Christmas shopping (really basic shopping) and yet, there's jus too many people. walking is bumping into people, finding what you want to buy, you would have to queue a long time for purchasing... forget it. i am definitely moving out one day!

2004-12-13T22:39:00.000-08:00

a perfect match

special day

2004-12-13T22:24:00.000-08:00

today marks a very special day for me. i fell in love with the man of my life 9 years ago on this day..

the ups and downs, happiness and sadness we have gone thru, with no regrets.

i have always known that we share a special something, something that not every married couple could say they have gone thru. we love each other, even tho work and other factors of our lives drives us into different directions, we seem to have a connection no other can have..

i love you very much anton, more than you know.. :)

Birthday weekend

2004-12-12T22:19:00.000-08:00

I had a great birthday, what did i do? nothing! thats whats great about it. i jus got up, and decided, today i am not going to plan what i am going to do, or have to do, i jus go with the flow. and that was great! my life has been monotonous for the last 2 years, and i figured, i turn 30, its time to live a life!

needless to say, my hunnie made it an incredible weekend for me, not jus on saturday, but sunday too! i had a BBQ and met up with frens that i have not seen (due to work and no time) and family there.

i am happy, and i owe it to my wonderful hubby. thanks for loving me hunnie..

old frens

2004-12-08T04:36:00.000-08:00

Been thinking alot about old frens lately. where they are now, what they would be doing? how did we get lost in the zillions of other frens/pals we make along the way.. maybe i have a bad way to staying in touch? maybe its work that keeps frens apart? i truly think its the latter. we meet new people every other day, and when we bump into old pals, we always say lets try to catch up, but do we ever? that sucks.. we should! we should make it a point to! like family, no matter how busy anyone is, i will make it a point to meet up with my family, but why can't i do that for frens as well? to all my frens out there, i am sorry if i have been a really bad fren and not been staying in touch, truly i mean it.
i have made really good frens along the way in my life. its tough to call someone a best fren when you are not technically always around them, but good frens? i am proud to say i have got a few.
so this blog is dedicated to my good frens (prob most dun even know i have a blog yet), thanks for always being there for me. :)

Colleen and me

Char and me

Dolly and me

Lydia and me

my birthday coming!!!

2004-12-02T22:49:00.000-08:00

the big 30 is hitting me soon, and its getting to me somehow.. not in the normal way of me being old and all.. but there have been more things that i had wanted to do before i hit 30..

i have always wanted to cover all continents before 30. made a lot of money for myself before 30. have 2 kids before 30.

my favorite man is going to throw me a party, of course there will be things i still have to be involved in doing.. but the thot that counts.. i love him for that.. men.. they can be sweet and thotful if they want...

alrighty, i will ramble on more when i have some time.. precious time..

oh well.. i guess i will ramble on later..

Stillwater... runs deep... never dry...

2004-12-01T17:49:00.000-08:00

Stillwater, why that name? one might ask. Stillwater is a little college town in Oklahoma USA that made a timid, bullyable Singaporean girl grow up, and out of her shell.
thats me. I love this name for all it means, with tremendous biased thots on this little town. it is here that i:
1. first learned to manage my own money
2. lived without parents for the first time
3. had a horrid boyfren
4. but thanks to no. 3, as i found the man of my life
5. had a favorite home in Apple Creek #F-13
6. had a huge Walmart to shop in literally 24hours anytime
7. had asians hate me and calling me 'banana' and found frens in american dorm mates
8. had my first car! a suzuki vitara (my little jeep)
9. had my independance and learned to stand on my own
10. most imptly, want to be here when i grow old, and retire.

For this, i name my site the most incredible town i have lived in for 5 years. STILLWATER...

testing

2004-11-10T01:53:00.000-08:00

just a test message to see if this works....